By The Numbers
The Numbers Behind The Epidemic
All figures may have been estimated by an intern.
3,847
Cases detected this week*
97%
Of dorm fridges contain no citrus
1.2B
Servings of ramen consumed in 2025
0.04
Average oranges per broke bachelor
67
Pirates currently on our payroll
$5.99
Cost to feel like you helped
Estimated Scurvy Risk by Demographic
Source: vibes, conjecture, and one survey we ran in a group chat.
Sailors (1740)92%
College students (2026)81%
Discord moderators74%
Bachelors aged 25–3469%
Remote workers58%
Concerned grandmothers4%
*Number generated by a random number generator we built in 2019 and never updated.